Safety Planning Guide

A safety plan is a personalized strategy for staying as safe as possible in a dangerous situation. It is not about being perfect or getting everything right — it is about thinking ahead so you have options when things escalate.

A safety plan is different from an escape plan. You may not be ready to leave, and that is okay. Leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship — the risk of violence increases significantly at the point of separation. A good safety plan addresses your safety at every stage: while you are in the relationship, when you are preparing to leave, during the actual departure, and after you have left.

There is no judgment in safety planning. Only you understand the full complexity of your situation. A safety plan helps you take back some control in a situation designed to take it away from you.

If you are not ready to leave or cannot leave right now, there are steps you can take to increase your safety:

Identify the safest rooms in your home — rooms with exits and without weapons. Avoid the kitchen (knives), bathroom (hard surfaces, no exit), or garage during arguments.

Establish a code word or signal with a trusted friend, family member, or neighbor. If you use the code word, they should call 911 or come to check on you.

Keep your phone charged and accessible. Program emergency numbers on speed dial. If the abuser monitors your phone, memorize key numbers instead.

Plan escape routes from every room in your home. Practice them when you are alone. If you have children, practice with them too, in an age-appropriate way.

Keep a bag packed and hidden — at a friend's house, in your car, at work, or in another safe location. Include essentials like identification, cash, medications, keys, a change of clothes, and important documents (or copies).

Avoid wearing scarves, necklaces, or other items that could be used to strangle you during an argument.

Trust your instincts. If you sense danger is escalating, get out if you can — even before things turn physical. You know the patterns better than anyone.

If you are planning to leave, preparation can help you leave more safely:

Open a bank account in your name only at a different bank than the one you share with the abuser. Have statements sent to a friend's address or go paperless. Start setting aside money in small amounts if it is safe to do so.

Gather important documents and store copies in a safe place outside the home. Key documents include your ID, Social Security card, birth certificates (yours and children's), passports, immigration documents, medical records, insurance cards, financial records, lease or mortgage documents, protective order copies, and children's school records.

Research local shelters and know their intake process. Call the National DV Hotline (1-800-799-7233) to find shelters near you. Some shelters have waitlists, so it helps to call ahead.

Tell only trusted people about your plan. The more people who know, the greater the risk that the abuser finds out. Leaving is the most dangerous time — secrecy is critical.

Plan for your pets. Many shelters now accept pets, and programs like Safe Place for Pets can temporarily house animals while you are in shelter. Do not stay in danger because of concern for your pets — there are options.

If you have children, think about how to keep them safe during the departure. Do not tell children the plan in advance if they might tell the abuser. Plan to take children with you if possible.

Set aside an extra car key, house key, and any other keys you might need. Keep them hidden outside the home.

Abusers often use technology to monitor, stalk, and control. Digital safety is a critical part of any safety plan:

Phone monitoring: Abusers may install spyware or monitoring apps on your phone. Signs include unusual battery drain, your phone being warm when not in use, or the abuser knowing things you only discussed by phone. If you suspect monitoring, use a different phone (a prepaid phone or a friend's phone) for safety-related calls and research. You can get a free phone through the Lifeline program.

Location tracking: Check if your phone's location sharing is turned on. Go to your phone's settings and review location services and any shared location features (Find My iPhone, Google Maps location sharing, Life360, etc.). Check your car for GPS trackers — common hiding spots include under the bumper, inside the wheel wells, or under the dashboard. Some newer cars have built-in tracking that the abuser can access through the manufacturer's app.

Email and accounts: The abuser may know your passwords or have access to your email. Create a new email account on a safe device that the abuser does not know about. Use it for safety planning, shelter communication, and legal matters. Enable two-factor authentication on all accounts.

Social media: Review your privacy settings. Turn off location tagging on posts and photos. Be cautious about accepting new followers or friends — abusers may create fake accounts. Consider temporarily deactivating accounts. Be aware that posting photos with identifiable backgrounds can reveal your location.

Browsing history: Use incognito or private browsing mode when researching safety resources, shelters, or legal options. Clear your browsing history if you cannot use incognito mode. Better yet, use a safe device — a computer at the library, at work, or at a friend's home.

Smart home devices: If you have smart speakers (Alexa, Google Home), smart cameras, smart locks, or a smart thermostat, the abuser may be able to monitor or control them. Change passwords, remove the abuser's access, or unplug devices if needed.

For comprehensive help with digital safety, contact the Safety Net Project at techsafety.org or call the National DV Hotline.

Financial abuse is present in 99% of domestic violence cases. Taking steps toward financial independence is a key part of safety planning:

Open a bank account in your name only at a different bank. Choose paperless statements sent to a safe email address. A post office box can also be useful for receiving sensitive mail.

Get a copy of your credit report (free at annualcreditreport.com). Check for accounts, loans, or debts you did not know about. This helps you understand your full financial picture.

Start building an emergency fund if possible. Even small amounts help. Cash is harder to trace than electronic transactions.

Gather financial documents: tax returns, pay stubs, bank statements, investment account information, retirement account statements, property deeds, and vehicle titles. Make copies and store them safely outside the home.

If you have a joint bank account, be aware that the abuser can see your transactions. Use cash or a separate account for safety-related expenses.

Know what benefits you may qualify for: TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families), SNAP (food stamps), Medicaid, WIC, housing assistance, and utility assistance. These programs can help bridge the financial gap when leaving. Visit our SNAP guide, banking guide, and housing resources for more information.

Identity theft and financial fraud are common in abusive relationships. If you suspect the abuser has opened accounts in your name or ruined your credit, a domestic violence advocate can help you address these issues.

If you have children, their safety is a central part of your plan:

Teach children a safety plan in age-appropriate terms. They should know to go to a safe room, call 911 (show younger children how to use the phone), and go to a neighbor's home if needed. Use the phrase "we are going to practice what to do in an emergency" rather than discussing the abuse directly with young children.

Never put children in the middle. Do not ask them to spy on the abuser, deliver messages, or intervene during violence. Their job is to get to safety, not to protect you.

Pack a bag for children too — include medications, comfort items, a change of clothes, school supplies, and any special needs items.

Notify your children's school or daycare about the situation. Provide a copy of any protective order and a list of people authorized to pick up your children. Schools can take steps to prevent unauthorized pickup.

Document everything related to the children's exposure to violence. This information can be important for custody proceedings.

Know that you can take your children with you when you leave. If there is no custody order in place, either parent can take the children. However, once a custody order exists, you must follow it. Get legal advice before leaving the state with children.

Children who witness domestic violence are experiencing a form of child abuse. They may need counseling and support. Many shelters and community organizations offer free counseling for children.

Your workplace can be a vulnerable location because the abuser often knows where you work and your schedule:

Tell someone you trust at work — a manager, HR representative, or security staff — about the situation. You do not have to share every detail, but letting them know helps them help you.

Provide a photo of the abuser and a copy of any protective order to your workplace security and reception staff.

Ask about workplace accommodations: can you change your schedule, move your workspace away from windows or public areas, screen your calls, or have someone walk you to your car?

Vary your route to and from work. Leave at slightly different times when possible.

If the abuser shows up at your workplace, call security and then call 911 if you have a protective order and the abuser is in violation.

Many states have laws that protect DV survivors from being fired for taking time off for court dates, protective order hearings, medical treatment, or relocating. Check your state's laws or ask a DV advocate about your workplace protections. Our legal rights for DV survivors guide has more information.

Keep an emergency bag packed and stored in a safe location (a trusted friend's home, your workplace, your car, a locker). Include:

Identification: driver's license or state ID, Social Security card, birth certificates for you and your children, passports, immigration documents, green card.

Financial essentials: cash, debit card for your separate bank account, checkbook, credit card in your name.

Legal documents: protective order copies, custody documents, marriage certificate, divorce paperwork, lease or deed, vehicle registration and title, insurance documents.

Medical items: medications (at least a week's supply), insurance cards, medical records, children's immunization records, prescription information.

Personal necessities: phone charger, extra car key, house key, change of clothes for you and children, toiletries, comfort items for children.

Evidence: photos of injuries, screenshots of threatening messages, a list of incidents with dates, police report numbers.

Contact information: phone numbers for your local DV shelter, National DV Hotline (1-800-799-7233), your attorney, trusted friends and family, children's doctors and schools.

If you cannot gather originals, copies are better than nothing. You can also take photos of documents with your phone and store them in a secure cloud account or email them to your safe email address.